Mon May 26 2003 09:49AM -0600

OK, OK, yesterday was actually much better than my last entry would suggest. I mean, what do you expect after having a little too much to drink and then trying to enter into a rational conversation regarding matters of the heart, and then trying to write down how you feel about it.

I think the problem is that there is a sick, sad part of me that is just attracted to train wrecks. (q.v. '03 Feb 09, '03 Mar 16, and on and on and on)

Seriously, though. When someone tells you that something is going to end badly, you'd have to be absolutely insane to believe anything but. (Of course, there's the obvious follow-up: maybe I am absolutely insane.)

But enough of that.

C and K and their cousins were out in the Midwest for their cousins' wedding in Wisconsin, but they had the wisdom to fly into Chicago first, and happily, I was able to hang out with them briefly yesterday. I realize that there are some gaps in my spatial memory (which the alcohol is doing nothing to rectify) and I led them on a wild goose chase to try and find Lou Malnati's, which is thus far the best Chicago-style pizza I have had. Instead, we ended up at Gino's East after many walking in circles. We then ascended to the 96th floor of the John Hancock building to have drinks at the Signature Lounge. So I had a pleasant 5 hours or so reminiscing about the life I used to lead before I ended up here, talking about "the old days" back at Cal, and just catching up. And realizing that things don't have to be so damned difficult. I was definitely left with a horrific sense of homesickness. (Maybe it's just time to give up and go home, get some rest, and then start all over again. I did not make very many lasting friendships out here, but maybe it's just a function of getting older.)

I also found this amusing: earlier yesterday, my mother called me to ask me if I knew that my ex-girlfriend whom I broke up with 7(!) years ago was getting married. (I swear it's like I grew up in a small town. There is so much tsismis. Everyone is so up into everyone else's business.) Which, indeed, I did, considering my ex-girlfriend called me to invite me to the wedding about 3 months ago. (And while I recognize that it doesn't have to be weird, well, in this particular case, it is. Yes, I still talk to her. No, it's not because I can't let go.) My mom also asked me if I was heartbroken, so I reassured her that I wasn't. I don't know what it is, but I've got a sneaking suspicion that my mother wants grandchildren soon. Well. Unless one of my younger siblings takes care of it unexpectedly, my mom will have to wait.

Which reminds me of a completely unrelated conversation I had with A (of all people) a long time ago:

A: So, do you think you'll have kids?

V: Well (in my head: as you very well know) I'm pretty far away from asking anyone to marry me.

A: It's not like you have to be married to have kids.

Bah. Times like this I wonder if my life would be easier as a eunuch.

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