Essential Hyper-Emptiness

Sun Jul 07 2002 06:15PM -0600

Should I even bother trying to write this down, knowing full well that not only will writing this down fail to change anything, but I will also fail to capture the essence of how I'm feeling this moment in any case? Even as I tap out these sentences, I can feel my will being subverted, and whatever I'm writing diverges from my true intentions.

The futility of it all makes me bone weary.

It is strange how this kind of pain really seems to come from the chest. It makes me wonder if there is some crossing of nerve impulses between the temporal lobes and the thorax.

The chest tightens, and tears threaten to come loose. It is an energy-sapping, dull ache that grows worse when breathing.

I don't know what else to say. I feel like I'm dying.

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