One Thing At A Time

Sat Aug 09 2003 01:01AM -0600

It is 1am, after an all-guys night out, nothing perverted, we just went bowling. (Despite the fact that the idea of female mudwrestling was solicited, we neither had the wherewithal or the geographic knowledge in order to follow through.) Given that I spent most of the day unconscious (don't worry, it was a voluntarily drug-induced sleep) and that I have only really been awake for 8 hours, I find it difficult to purge the thoughts running through my head. So I thought I'd write (or whatever you want to call this.)

Given my disastrous attempts at pursuing romance this past academic year [1][2][3][4], I have come to the conclusion that I just need to stop. Throw in the towel, at least for now. Focus on the things that I need to take care of. Get my shit together. Take care of myself. All that sort of thing. Sure, I'm more resigned to it more than actually wanting to do it, but given the fact that I have been exposed to quite a bit of trauma, which has done nothing but show me that being in a relationship might not be the best thing, you would think that it would be the logical thing to do. (Hormones non-withstanding.)

So there we are. The Art of Not Wanting. Eventually, when you've bashed your head up against a brick wall enough times, you might realize it's just time to give up. At least for now.

Here's to Some Other Day. And to a bright future. Alone, if that's the way the cards have been dealt. There is, after all, more than one way to be happy.

And I know if I'll only be true

to the glorious quest,

that my heart will lie peaceful and calm

when I'm laid to my rest.

And the world will be better for this,

that one man, scorned and covered with scars,

still strove, with his last ounce of courage,

to reach the unreachable star.

â€â€from "The Impossible Dream", Don Quixote, "Man of La Mancha"
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