Tue Aug 05 2003 10:33AM -0600

On the other hand, there is the fact that all suffering comes from desire. But I think that I've been reading that all wrong. When it comes down to it, I don't think that the goal is to stop wanting. I mean, think about it, if you stop wanting because you want to stop suffering, you are still wanting something. To not desire is either to be dead or schizophrenic, and I doubt that schizophrenia is what the Buddha had in mind when he was talking about enlightenment.

I think that the trick is to understand that your desires have a particular cost of suffering. (Which makes me think of Arthur Miller's " The Price") Sometimes the price is exacted on yourself, but other times it is on others. And the discernment one must make is whether or not the price is worth the desire. It really comes down to risk management, or even pure thermodynamics. I seriously wonder what it is exactly that Pyrrhus won.

The thing that gets me about this is that you then realize that there will always be a path not taken. If you're like me, you'll might always be burdened by "what ifs." Lately, though, I can't help but think that this is the way things are meant to be. Once the probability wave function collapses, you can't uncollapse it, I suppose. Really, though. As I grow more aware of this, I have begun to stop wondering "what if."

It doesn't mean that some decisions still don't hurt. If you believe that everything has a price, than nothing is painless.

(And remember, it is pain that helps you know that you are still alive.)

Hence. That is why "Freedom is another word for nothing left to lose" (Thank you Janis Joplin) You can do anything when your current suffering outweighs the suffering incurred by any of your desires. And, I suppose, death is not always the highest price to pay.

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