(What the hell am I talking about? For you non-sciency, non-nerdling types: Professor Hitoshi Morikawa's research. OK, so maybe the link doesn't exactly explain in layperson's terms, but, ah, forget it. Skip this blog entry.)

Today I had my first cigarette and first beer since my disasterous Saturday night and while the beer made me a little queasy towards the end, the cigarette did wonders.

I am so at-risk for becoming a drug addict.

Today after finishing my rotation, despite my psychotropic medication, I somehow ended up in a really crappy mood. (It was improved, though. Instead of hating myself, I've been hating the world instead.) But then I sat on the balcony, listened to my iPod, had a slice of pizza, then a Red Stripe and a Parliament Light. When the nicotine hit, my mood instantly lifted. (Again, I am forced to ask: Am I nothing but a Clockwork Orange?) The thing that struck me was that my vision literally became clearer, what with the pupillary dilation, I suppose. That alone was enough to make me happy. So I kind of wonder, what if my depression is a side-effect of the fact that I have essentially been going blind all these years? (Yep, every year my prescription for my contacts continue to creep upward.) (Oh, and I can hear the opthalmologists and the psychiatrists going wild. Imagine if Lasik became approved for treatment of seasonal affective disorder?)

Then again, my mood could've lifted for the simple fact that the song playing on my iPod was "In Your Eyes"[ lyrics][ iTunes Music Store link]" by Peter Gabriel, of which I have a particularly amusing memory of (Well, at least I thought it was funny, even though I know it's wrong to make fun of the mentally ill.)

Addendum

A confession of post-phone call regret:

I am so in trouble. I am so setting myself up for the fall.

That's all I have to say about that.