Fatal Exception Error (Shut It Down! Shut It Down!)

Thu Jul 03 2003 09:58PM -0800

I feel absolutely, positively crazy right now.

Except for the scant few precious moments which I have spent with family and dear friends (you know who you are, I'm glad I got to spend time with you), I have essentially otherwise pissed away the past two weeks of my life, on the pretense of trying to make heads or tails of what the hell I'm supposed to do next. I have somehow managed to paint myself into a corner, where I've got to act quickly, and yet I feel completely stuck and bewildered, and every little misstep is going to cost me gravely. This is the veritable downward spiral. (Great. More melodrama. Someone smother me with a chloroform-sopped rag.)

I need a longer break than two weeks, but I don't know where else I'm going to squeeze the time from. Unless I forfeit now, and try again some other day year. Gah.

(I am supposed to meditate on the tarot card reading R did for me yesterday. Unfortunately, I am sorely deficient in my ability to focus right now. I need to take a defibrillator to my head.)

Damn it. I need to be more optimistic. Right now, I can't get what should be a corollary to Murphy's Law out of my head: just when you think everything possible has gone wrong, it can always get worse. I feel very at odds with universe right now.

Where is my balance?

I swear. I need a punching bag. Or somewhere I can go scream until my lungs explode.

Serenity now! Hahahaha.

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