Vague Description

Tue Feb 18 2003 06:29PM -0600

In the abstract, I can speak of it
with a backdrop of
the serene, sterile, sanitized silence
of geometric shapes flickering hither and thither
red, green, blue vectors intersecting in four dimensions

There is a balance to be kept
and neither happiness nor sadness
peak and trough
victory and defeat
zenith and nadir
Not the balance of utang ng loob, the debt that cannot be repaid, here
and then karmic repayment, there
but the unmovable center
that weaves and flows around the hard places of the world

The rocks loom up ahead
I am negotiating the rapids

The meaning has been twisted by misuse
virtue is based on truth
virtue is not something that is applied or earned
but is--like God--existence
To understand that I am
broken, imperfect
and that this is the way things are meant to be
despite the deep aching in my soul
In this reality of ours, to be complete
means the same thing as being dead
To be always searching for what I never knew until I lost it
That is the price of original sin
but without that choice, and the chance of dying, there is nothing to live for

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