(Tangent: Rule number one of fantasy novels: never read the
prologues. They are all completely pointless. Even the one for
The Lord of the Rings. I know too many people who failed to
even start LotR because they couldn't get through the
Prologue. But this parenthetical aside as just as pointless.)
OK. Now I've sort of made it a point not to post about the
details of my personal life. Sure, sure, I've freely divulged the
intricate, disgusting, and straight up demented aspects of my
thoughts and emotions, but always in a frustratingly vague way.
Maybe not the best way to run a blog, as any of my putative readers
probably have no idea what is going on and couldn't really give a
rat's ass. But, it is, unfortunately, my way.
So. Because of my insecurities, and my perverse desire to make
all this as confusing as possible, I will divulge this with a
cheesy little framing literary conceit and with as little detail as
possible.
This is a story told to me by someone in medical school right
now, and it goes a little something like this:
Now I did this clinical rotation with this girl earlier in the
year, and she had this story about how she was with this guy, and
they were on the verge of engagement or some such, and then they
broke up. So immediately in my mind is painted this picture of
someone who is not exactly emotionally stable. And yes, she is
attractive, the flirty type to be sure, I mean, as inexperienced as
I am with women, I know the type. But this is nowhere near the
point.
To cut to the chase: someone else on this rotation, for god
knows whatever reason, was very vociferous about his belief that
this girl was sleeping with one of the residents at the hospital,
despite admitting that he had absolutely no proof. He was simply
basing all this on her flirtatiousness and her drive to excel at
this particular clinical rotation, since this was a field she was
really interested in. Now, I myself am not one to lightly cast
aspersions on other people, but I will say this: this someone else
has a known history of selling people out behind their backs, of
spreading information that is not necessarily true, so, I mean,
what he believed was immediately suspect in my mind. For all I
know, it could've been a straight-up mean spirited rumor with no
basis in truth whatsoever.
But at the same time, I couldn't vouch for her. There
were some mysterious goings-on during on-call nights. I
mean, hey, my policy is hear no evil, see no evil, and I saw
nothing to prove or disprove any of these stories, so as far as I'm
concerned I can't say yea or nay.
Which is, at times, uncomfortable, because of these particular
scenarios that I have absolutely no need to think about, and yet
they continue to occupy my thoughts, arising in the most random of
times:
- The stories are true: well, this speaks for itself. That would
be just fucking weird. (No pun intended with the fucking.
Really.)
- The stories are false: this totally sucks for the girl, because
apparently my entire class, including her ex-boyfriend, believe
that the stories are true, and a good six months after the fact,
the incident still comes up in random conversations. And, paranoid
as I am, for all I know, particularly if they have never managed to
localize the source of these stories, all fingers probably point to
me, since I worked with this girl and the suspected resident(s) (!)
for quite a while.
And still even if the stories are true, it think it sucks
for anyone to continue spreading these stories. Whether the
original behavior was unethical or not, this is someone's private
life we're discussing here. Not necessarily the most appropriate
topic of conversation. And (of course, selfish bastard that I am,
I'm really only thinking about myself here) I would hate to think
that if they have erroneously localized the source of these stories
to me, that I would be characterized as some backstabbing bastard
who spreads rumors unfounded on evidence.
My only consolation is that not many people think highly of this
girl. I mean, I thought she was all right, actually, and I had some
pleasant conversations with her. I don't think she's nearly as bad
as everyone says she is. I wonder why everyone has so readily
turned on her. I mean, sure, for all I know, she simply allowed me
to believe what she wanted me to believe about her, and that I got
played. On the other hand, it makes me wonder what people say about
me behind my back, and again, it makes me hate the people at
my school. (I mean, yeah, there are a lot of unrelated reasons as
to why I hate people at my school, but I won't go into it
here.)
But seriously. Don't go to my medical school. It's filled with
bitter, rotten, lazy people who think they deserve more than
they've gotten, and that is the worse type of asshole, the one's
who think about what they deserve. Well, maybe if they
actually made an honest effort to work for it, and spent a little
less time kissing ass and putting on airs... but this is another
tirade that belongs somewhere else. I will never understand it. We
are, for all intents and purposes, a reject farm, and still, there
are people here who believe that they are bad-ass. OK. I'm going
off on a tangent. Let me stop now.
So that is that. It's just something I wanted to get into
written form. Who knows.