Sun Feb 02 2003 09:38PM -0600


So Punxsutawney Phil has had his say and we are doomed to six more weeks of winter. My God. I have been out here in Chicagoland so long that when I first read that, I thought that the stupid groundhog was predicting a shorter winter. Seriously. If Winter actually ends in March, it would be two months earlier than usual.

But who am I to complain. We're having a veritable heat wave, close approaching 40 degrees, and glory of glories, almost all the ice and snow has melted. Hallelujah.

Too Much Fun at the Karaoke Bar

When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows,
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes The Rose.
â€â€from "The Rose" by Bette Midler

Ah me. So I've done it. I am once again setting myself up for the fall, despite the fact that I have already been given the Kiss of Death (see next paragraph). And still I persist. Ah well, I suppose I would rather be deluded than depressed.

I, of all people, should realize than when a girl says that you're like an older brother to her, the game is, for all intents and purposes, over.

And still I persist.

No, not really. If I look at it a certain way, I'm actually not being completely absurd and ridiculous. I mean, really, a delusional hope is better than no hope at all, and at least I realize I'm being delusional. My only concern is about what avatar disappointment will choose to take this time.

Given that I haven't had a really good friend around (to say nothing about not having a girlfriend) for quite some time now, I really ought to be more thankful for her company, despite the fact that it is destined to end at some point. (Read: as soon as she finds herself a boyfriend.) As I've said before in a slightly different context, these things happen. Life goes on.

I just don't want to be an idiot about all this again, is all.

Still. She is very attractive, I always enjoy myself when I'm around her, she's a really good person, and, though I'm aware that it is in a platonic, almost familial way, she authentically cares about what happens to me.

It's pretty difficult not to fall into the same sandpits that I'm accustomed to falling into.

Anyway. I will repeat a trite saying. It's not about getting what you want, it's about wanting what you get.

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