Annum III in Exilio (What the Hell Am I Doing with My Life?)

Mon Nov 04 2002 04:35PM -0600

So tomorrow this blog will turn two. (Go to the very beginning.) I would wait until tomorrow to post, but unfortunately I will be on call overnight.

Due to strange quirks of fate and various administrative snafus, I have been in a state of limbo with regards to my Internal Medicine rotation. Because the paper work hasn't been finalized, I have been unable to actually examine patients for this past week. As such, I haven't been able to take call and have generally been completely useless at the hospital. All of this will change tomorrow, fingers crossed.

But as one of my high school English teachers will tell you, idle hands are the devil's playground and this unexpected stretch of free time has given my diseased mind free reign. (You know you're in deep shit when you start becoming afraid of your own thoughts.)

Still, like any red-blooded American, I will probably end up drowning my sorrows in my work (with a supplement of good ol' EtOH now and again), like it or not, and I will be glad for the 10-36 hour days, and so I wonder whether I should bother writing any of this down. Then again, when has prudence ever stopped me before?

One of the things I've been sorely missing from my life is a creative outlet. There are very few people in my contracted circle of med school friends who share my same interests, and so sometimes I just find myself railing at the fact that med students don't do much but study, go to work, and maybe veg out in front of the T.V., and if it's a really special occasion, get drunk to the point of blindness. Oh, right, who am I to judge, let ye who art without sin..., blah, blah, blah. OK I have to say it: I wish more of my friends were into creativity and art and shit like that. I wish fewer of my friends watched so much goddamned T.V.... I am railing again, probably to no avail.

But back to my point: I need to find a creative outlet, a supportive group for this sort of thing. The thing is, I don't know what sort of commitment I can give, what sort of contribution I might muster, given that I will typically be in the hospital for around 10 hours a day or worse.

So I swing back and forth about it, even though deep down inside, I know I should just go for it and see where it takes me. Even if this rotation decides to beat my ass into the ground.

If I just tell myself enough times, I will believe it is true.

contact me via .

The design for this page was adapted from Mark Olson's design industrofunk, which can be found at Open Source Web Design Download the sample page.