And although I've promised a thousand times not to think of these kind of things, these thoughts still come unbidden, like some song you can't get out of your head because you only know three lines and you just want to find out what the fourth line is, just so you can get on with your life.

Some part of my mind knows that the past is past, and there's nothing you can do about it, and that the past needs to stay buried, that there's no use bringing someone back after their heart has stopped for more than 20 minutes, etc., etc., but I still think about her, and I still wonder what if, what if?

But I know. Forget about what if. Start thinking about what is. Someone kick me in the head.