Sun, Jan 13, 2002 02:10PM -0600

The second fastest way to break something is to try and describe it. (The first fastest is to try "fixing" it.) Also known as the observer's paradox, I believe it is the bane of the scientist and of the artist alike.

But this isn't what I wanted to talk about.

I am trying to manipulate said paradox into breaking bad habits. So here we go. I will try and describe something:

Sitting here, not wanting to stay, not wanting to go, every direction is a dull leaden weight on my shoulders, uggh, even the bed does not draw me, to just lie there, lie there, and try and sleep. The mind races at an infernal pace, following jagged pathways through the neuronal caverns of memory, falling into pitfalls of regret. I don't know what I'm looking for, don't want to fix this point in space and time, but anxiety churns through me (I am like an overloaded washing machine, the agitator struggling to turn), trying to rile me up into actually doing something.

This does nothing. Except maybe make me laugh momentarily. OK, I got to get the hell out of here. Of course, I've been saying that for the past four hours now. Wish me luck.