Mon, Dec 03, 2001 11:54PM -0600

"I'm not a loser. I'm a winner. Things are gonna change. I can feel it." -- from "Loser" by Beck

Oh, the sarcasm meter is off the scale these days. Seriously though, I think that I may very well be returning to my whacked-out self. (Where have I been all these years when I needed myself the most?) Insane flights of fancy, the ability to be amused by the strangest things, the lack of any grasp on reality. Oh wait, I think I said that already. But yeah. I'm a new man. I swear. Or I'm back to the man I used to be. Something like that.

OK, that was totally random gibberish, but I had to write something. I feel like my mind is squirming, whirling, gyrating, like someone with constipation, trying mightily to defecate my thoughts (to steal a favorite metaphor of one of my Pathology professors).

"In the Tibetan philosophy, Sylvia Plath sense of the word, we're all dying. But you're not dying the way Chloe is dying." -- from "Fight Club"

Yes, I love medical school. All those diseases. I swear I have every single one of them. It finally occurred to me that the lesion underneath my lower incisors might very well be leukoplakia, the precursor to various types of cancer. Of course, it's probably only because we just had a lecture on oral lesions today. But I've got to say, it won't come off even if I try and scrape it.

Just when I'm enjoying life, there's just one more thing to worry about. Ah, stress. Stress you say? With this kickback schedule of drinking profusely every weekend, how could I possibly be stressed? Oh, there are ways. Give me any situation, and I bet you I could find something to worry about instantaneously. Stick me in Utopia, Eden, Heaven, I bet you I could find something wrong.

See. My old usual self. Fatalistic and quite happy about it.

But things are certainly ramping up in this soap opera, this pathetic version of "Real World." Highly amusing things. As they say, everything is funny as long as it's not happening to you. I know for sure that I'll miss this next year. Maybe. Hopefully not, but my life is clearly too boring at this juncture.

Vague, wispy, inchoate thoughts rippling across my cerebral cortex. Of course you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, do you? Don't worry. Neither do I, really.

But change, you say? OK I know I shouldn't make promises I don't intend to keep, but really, I'm actually planning to do this: a site redesign. Oh yeah, baby. Coming to a web browser near you. (Egads, hopefully I'll have this up before 2010.) Yes. That's all I was alluding to with all this change business. I think. Oh yeah, I still wish on stars after all. Bleh. Enough of this madness.