Thu, Sep 27, 2001 03:47AM -0600

So I just wanted to write a small footnote about this night of pure hedonism. My ex-girlfriend worries that I'm going to end up being "the old guy at the club" (as defined by Chris Rock) but I realize that I've formed some very bad habits that I have no idea how to break, and I really shouldn't be surprised to be in the particular status that I'm in. As some people in my life have brutally pointed out to me, I have no one to blame but myself.

But enough self-pity. We had a guys' night out (for the most part) for Harold's birthday--food, drink, and other sundry entertainments. As you can see, I'm writing this entry right before 4:00am, and I am entirely shot to hell. It's a good thing tomorrow is Yom Kippur and that it's a school holiday. I don't know how I would've survived this week without it.

I am too dehydrated, and I've probably had much too much to drink. I've noticed that whenever I start feeling euphoric (at least that's what I call it. Maybe it's something else. Psychosis, maybe?) I seriously get this feeling that I could conquer the world, or maybe several worlds. Very strange. This Napoleon complex. It will only lead to heartache and tears.

I don't know what's worse: this basic feeling of loneliness, or the increasing deadness of my heart in reaction to it.

I'm doomed. Bleh.