Sun, Aug 19, 2001 10:52AM -0600

Current playlist: Snatch soundtrack

Fragments of a dream: Last night's show

So imagine my surprise when I realized that writing into this thing might actually be the cause of my energy drainage... that mania is more tiring than depression, that it is raining, raining, raining (and then the sun came out for a peep, peek-a-boo, buh-bye.)

Part of the problem, I realize, is that I didn't go outside yesterday, at all, except to throw away the garbage. The urge to go and buy cigarettes have increased... yesterday I was ready to go for it. Someone was practicing guitar... I could hear it from my room, and I thought it would've been relaxing to just sit out on the patio and smoke a cigarette while listening to guitar strumming, and how it would be weird and possibly frightening for others if I just sat out there without anything to amuse myself with.

Another random piece of purple prose that entered my mind as I drove down the rain-slick roads in search of nitrate paradise (AKA McDonald's):

And I thought of the last time this happened, and I realized that this isn't really a Chance, it's just something to addle my mind with, make me doubt that I've made the right choices. Perhaps I haven't.

So is it time again to skulk in the shadows? Rail against Fate? Curse Destiny? I've played this game before without much success. I couldn't figure it out. The timing was off. I didn't know what meant what, what to hold onto, what to let go of. I guess you really can't force it. You just have to wait.

Well, I suppose I've got my own little games to play where I am anyway. It's easier to play when you don't care whether you win or you lose. Time to throw in the ante, and see where it goes.