Thu, Aug 16, 2001 11:27PM -0600

So there have been metaphysical nuclear bombs going off in my head as of late (and I don't even need any mind altering chemicals!) and I've started to have difficulties with the whole concept of Home, and even more troubling, I've been having problems with visualizing this whole Here thing.

I've been reading a couple of things that makes it clear that where I want to be right now is Here and Now (no, not the theater group.) But of course, when you start analyzing simple monosyllabic concepts like Here and Now (or Time, or Love, or Hope, for that matter), things get pretty tricky. It's amazing how these things with short names are much more complicated than things with long names...but I don't want to get embroiled in a festival of spouting out random multisyllabic medical terms.... Never mind. (My mind apparently has problems focusing on one thing at a time.)

In any case, despite common sense, Here is a very subjective idea, one which you have to deal with scope and size issues, and when you couple it to the idea of Now, it's very easy to get lost in a recursive discursive haze of metaphysical masturbation.

So. Here. Now. Deal with it. That's what the universe has been telling me lately, and still I persist with the complaint of having to wait until things can happen. This may be so, but I've got a garden to tend as I'm waiting for The Call.

On the other hand, whereever Here is isn't really that important, I suppose. It's what you're doing there that counts. At least this is my current rationalization.

At least I've already managed to disentangle the concept of Home from physical space. It's no joke. All the cliches are painfully true. Home is where the Heart is. It's not where you are, it's who you're with. So.

California is a big state. And it's amazing how loosely one can use the term Chicago or Los Angeles. This size and scope thing is giving me a headache. It gives me the screaming meemees to think about how a trip from Chicago to L.A. is in some ways shorter than a trip from L.A. to S.F., and yet a trip from where I am in Chicagoland to O'Hare is in some ways longer than a trip from Burbank to Oakland. I suppose, if anything, that this is evidence of the Ultramodern Age. We're already playing fast and loose with time and distance, and we haven't even mentioned Relativity yet.

Anyway. So there are a million things I have yet to ponder, and I've been gnawing away at what seemed easiest at the time and now seems quite difficult. Or did it seem difficult at the time and now seems easy? Something like that.

This is all madness anyway. Sometimes I wish I could just hit the fast-forward button on Life.