The Harsh Truth

Mon Jul 21 2003 10:05PM -0600

See, the problem here is that I am attracted to Cluster B personalities. Most likely because I am one myself, to a degree (dramatic: check; emotional: check; erratic: check; difficulty with impulsive behavior: check; self-abusive: check), with a little Cluster C added in for good measure. (Notice that there is a grave problem with this combination. Not only am I at least half the time out-of-control, I simultaneously also have a paralyzing fear of being out-of-control. I am literally at war with myself.)

It occurred to me that, now that almost all the drama in my life has been obviated by various, inexorable circumstances, I am experiencing withdrawal. I am getting bored. (As if the impending necessity of making major decisions about my life isn't enough drama on its own.) Bah. What's that saying about idle hands? Something about the devil? (And, I hate to be gross, but I'm tired of decreasing my prostate cancer risk. I believe that French author Louis-Ferdinand Celine had a very appropriate quote.)

But whatever. I suppose I will have to grow and change. Such is (quite literally) life.

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