Ay Caramba!

Fri Mar 07 2003 06:07PM -0600

"Speaking from a strictly medical point-of-view, that ain't right." â€â€Dr. Hibbard from "The Simpsons"

Urpp. Posted this before I had written anything. Well. What I was going to talk about was how I am always, always getting caught in these particular kind of situations with women. I may as well admit it. My underlying modus operandi has always been to first become friends, and then try to go from there. Unfortunately, it has only really worked once, and all the other times, I've found myself in this horrible existential limbo where I didn't know where I stood, and was therefore completely paralyzed by fear. So. I know how to start. I just don't know how to finish it off.

All this despite my ferocious attempt to convince myself that I don't want anything of the sort, that I am content to be completely alone for the rest of my life. The Art of Not Wanting. Bleh.

Anyway, as is usually the case, it's a whole lot of hullaballoo about nothing. Once all the dust clears, I will look back at these situations and rationalize that for the most it was all in my head, and that there was nothing there, and I don't know why I'm feeling heartbroken anyway. Or, for variety, yeah, there was something there, but probably nothing more than friendship, and what happened was that I missed my chance.

Man. My life sucks. OK, I know it really doesn't, but shit. Ah well. "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all." Thank you Whitney. Time to buy Vaseline in bulk.

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