False Spring

Thu Feb 20 2003 11:24PM -0600

It is no longer freezing, in fact it was over 40 degrees today, and I realize that I need to surround myself with happy people, people who know what they are doing with their lives. Whatever their own personal hangups, they make things happen, cause change. Because even in the deepest darkest pits of despair, even when you have a clear view of the vicious misery of existence, a world where children are mutilated and tortured and outright murdered for no good reason, there are still Bright Shining Lamps whose light makes all of us better. Today I met some quite amazing pediatricians. My gut instinct is that they are really good people, people I want to emulate.

Who knows? Maybe it was the fact that the sun was shining today, and I could actually go outside without having to bundle up excessively. (On days like this, everyone smiles a little more, their faces aren't down-turned, staring at the ground they are sloshing through, mean-faced, muttering. Instead, they gaze up at the heartbreakingly clear blue sky, blink at the bright sunlight that has for so long only been an aching memory.) Light, oh let your light shine...

Like a sodden twig swirling in the current,
caught in the flow of events, the river of time

The branch points are many
I want to stay afloat
not caring if I never reach shore
even if I am too tired to swim

Staring at the night
the towers and the ramparts of the city gleaming
the sentinel planes overhead blinking
I stand alone, shoulders bowed bearing a great burden
But I know that out there are my comrades-in-arms
whose names I do not know
spreading the Word, the Light, the Fire
one man, one woman at a time
this guerilla army of healers
maybe I will never meet
though we are true soulmates
passing blindly in this benighted world
the only proof is the trace left behind
in subtle increments
of a better place

Though the labor may be in vain
No mark left after we succumb
Though alone we may bear the burden
in this, we show our love
in sacrifice, and in honor

I will strive with what little I have
though great fear holds me down
great sorrow pins me to the floor
But deep down
I know that even in futility, I will have meaning

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