Days like this I feel like life simply flows around me. That almost evey action I take to try and affect my reality simply becomes turned aside. I try to dam the flow with words and deeds, but the River of Life simply changes course, unaffected by my feeble wishes.

So I am told what I have always known, I have been too tired and lazy to actually act upon such knowledge, that I need to let go. Of everything.

The fact that I am fearful almost makes it clear that this is precisely what I need to do.

Still, the thought of allowing long-standing ties to at last fray and wither away, the long steady decay of neglect, how someone who was at one point in time the person closest to you, and even after all this time, is probably the only person to understand you and to care, to let that completely fade away, even though there is nothing viable in it, leaves me sad and weary.