Fri Nov 22 2002 10:05PM -0600

Now that I have the time, I can't seem to be able to think of anything to write.

I have this slight sense of uneasiness about having revealed things about myself that might not have been wise to reveal, but perhaps I am doomed to make the same mistakes over and over again. Besides, can I truly lie about the said situation? I realize that without context, it sounds shady, but what can I do? It is an irrevocable part of my history, and I can tell you that I have spent several sleepless nights wishing I could completely purge it and start from scratch and pretend these horrible things never happened, and pretend that, despite all the intervening years, I'm still not dealing with the consequences, but unfortunately life does not have an undo function, there is no shiny, candy-like history eraser button to press.

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be all right
Perhaps it's just my imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night, my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
--from "Overkill" by Men at Work

I, like any one who might bother to read this, longingly await the day that what I might mean becomes transparent.

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