Manual Disimpaction

Mon Nov 18 2002 08:53PM -0600
You can force it but it will not come
You can taste it but it will not form
You can crush it but it's always here
You can crush it but it's always near
--from "Planet Telex" by Radiohead

I needed to write something down today. I don't know why. I am pretty close to being delirious despite having slept 6 hours last night, albeit 6 hours in a chilly call room, either waking up every hour or so thinking that it was to go on rounds, or dreaming that I was on rounds. Internal medicine is swallowing my life.

Despite my new found attitude of latching onto the best parts and trying to repress the bad parts of life, I cannot shake this feeling that I'm just coasting through naively and eventually everything will come crashing down.

Then again, I really, really could just have an Axis I disorder.

If only I could just stay content for 15 minutes and not be afraid of a damn thing. I said it before in another context, and I'll say it again: self-fulfilling prophecy. I am doomed.

You can force it but it will stay stung
You can crush it as dry as a bone
You can walk it home straight from school
You can kiss it
You can break all the rules

But still everything is broken
everyone is broken
everyone is broken
everything is broken
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