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I Bleed Myself Dry

Fri, Aug 10, 2001 04:58PM -0600

Cryptic passage (regarding Schroedinger's Cat and other related matters):

In some ways, he was worse off now than before he had opened the box. Before, it was at least a possibility, in fact, a finite probability, that the cat was alive. Now all he had was a dead cat. Although, he supposed it was better to know than to not know. It's hard to go on with life trying to imagine two mutually exclusive outcomes at the same time.

OK, I wasn't quite bleeding myself dry today, but I just have a thing about the sight of my own blood. Other people's blood I can deal with. Bags of plasma, heart/lung machines full of blood, a flooded peritoneum (well, guts are another matter entirely...) I'm not too fond of people actually bleeding onto me, but it still doesn't give me the same reaction that my blood gives me.

Sometimes I think it's genetic. My uncle is known to faint at the sight of his own blood. My brother gets all pale and clammy when he gets his blood drawn. Other times I feel I have dishonored my family by being such a coward.

It was just a simple fingerstick. Looking at me, you would've thought I'd had to duel Death herself.

In other matters, my unhealthy obsession with maps and freeways and signs has resurfaced completely at random. I wonder if it's just the simple fact that I was born next to a freeway. In L.A., of course. And lived next to a freeway for pretty much seventeen continuous years of my life. And that we took the freeways to get to everywhere, more than we took surface streets. I'm always looking for possible etiologies. (Of course, other people call it looking for excuses. <g> I say tomato, you say tomato.)

I've had two dreams about Sim City scenarios within the past week already. And I found a site that lets you create your own freeway signs with the proper font and highway shields and everything, something which I've been aspiring to do ever since I got my Commodore 64 when I was 8. I don't know. I was a strange kid. I drew (and still draw) road maps of imaginary places. (It's quite relaxing.) I've imagined what Middle Earth would be like if it ever industrialized and got paved over, replete with Interstate Highways and everything. Sometimes I even dream of these places.

Another site I found has fast motion videos of driving down some freeways in California. I got a sense of vertiginous homesickness when I watched the video of driving down the Glendale Freeway (CA-2) from the Foothill Fwy (I-210) to the Golden State Freeway (I-5). My house would be on a hill on the left. There are also videos of freeways in the San Francisco Bay Area (including a shot of crossing the Golden Gate Bridge) and videos of freeways in San Diego County.

Aargh. It's the weekend and the only thing I can muster any energy for is web surfing. Sad, sad, sad. I need sleep.

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