Blabbermouth

Sun, Mar 10, 2002 04:37AM -0600

I can't keep a secret to save my life. To have come tantamount to saying it out loud in full view of everyone was the greatest extent of my folly. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. The feeling is there, but the follow-through is completely lacking.

So I feel naked and exposed. It's like offering your limbs to be hacked at, it's like running head on into enemy fire, it's like suicide by cop, it's like a kamikaze bombing run. I know there's no chance in hell I'm going to survive, but I do it anyway, precisely because it's a very exhibitionist way to go. I could've just taken my lumps in silence and let my heartache throb without anyone knowing, but I've decided to elevate my madness to a public spectacle for all to see.

OK. So I'm a pessimist by nature. But I can't help but feel that whichever way I wish to complicate this, however long I decided to drag this out, it's all just going to end in tears. Clearly, I'm hoping that someone will prove me wrong, but I've given up on wishing on stars or praying for miracles a long time ago.

I am afraid. There's nothing else I can say.

e-mail: aswang@earthlink.net

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